Signed in because i’m just having a shit night and i don’t know what to do.
I guess a couple a things are happening recently that has sort of thrown the balance off. Jason and amber will be moving to LA in january for jobs, so suddenly brice and i need to find a nee place to live and i guess no one is particularly looking forward to splitting. Just a sort of air of unease about settling things
Right now i just. Don’t know why i feel like i did something wrong though. I just got this cold feeling from brice, he was bring really distant for no reason at all. And just a while ago when he tried helping me fix a broken piece of an expensive figure he made it worse by accident and it was just heartbreaking for me to see it. I know he tried but it just made me upset, and now i guess i have a reason to be mad at him but i don’t want to be? I just want to not feel shitty anymore between being mostly ignored and then having something irreplaceable broken.
And i’m sorry for the lack of a text cut, the tumblr mobile app just doesn’t have a way to do it. I’m just curled up crying and i just want to not feel like things are falling apart for no reason suddenly
So sometimes i wonder what it may be like to open up commissions, and then i end up scrolling through the commissions tag and i almost always end up disappointed and frustrated with how many people offer to make art for only a scant few dollars.
Not everyone is going/attending or went to art school, but some of the things i’ve seen are worth so much more than what’s being offered, and it really kills the value of the years of practice people took to get there.
I get that people are too nervous to not make any money and would rather try to be lenient with customers, but lowballing prices just hurts other artists as well as the artist in question—if you don’t see the value in your own art, no one else will think to either.
So I’m not sure what to think…
The job I was previously let go from is coming back to offer me another chance (nothing new, no promotion, same job/expectations as before).
Part of my brain is going, “This is a test from your boss, to take initiative, be confident, etc”, the other part of me is going, “you’re hesitating because the last few months of that job was stressful and you hate it.”
And then there’s the battle between going back to “secure” income at a job I dislike, or taking the chance to move on to something new while taking the chance that I won’t find steady income for a long time.
I have a bit saved up but… I’m not sure what matters to me more, the money, to save face, to be happy?
Normally I don’t care what a sketchbook looks like as long as the quality of the paper is good.
Thanks to Janaschi for sharing the link at a place of the internet where things can be shared!
Been a while since i made an entry here. Things have been good and busy, so i didn’t really have a reason to write, but here i am on my lunch break on my phone feeling like the smallest thing in the world.
I’ve been continuously making mistakes at work recently, and was warned that if another mistake was made, i’d be let go. I know i’ve been told to be careful and slow down to reduce mistakes, and i have been working on it, but for every other way i find to help myself, i end up finding another thing to miss in the process.
I can’t tell if i’m psyching myself out, and making more mistakes because i’m nervous. I’ve taken this job so seriously because i’m learning so much, and it is valuable and rare for me to get a chance like this—and it frustrates me so much that i’ve never felt like i should be at ease with my job, that i’m trying and still failing.
My boyfriend tells me i haven’t had the best luck with getting projects that let me show off my skills, and i think there is merit to that. I’ve hardly considered it, but most everything i’m doing now is something i’d consider a weakness. It made me consider how much this position means to me—i’m gaining a lot of knowledge, but my skill isn’t even close to handling what is expected.
I’ve been juggling jobs i feel i’m only okay at for so long without practicing things i am better at, i feel almost like i’m not sure what i’m good at anymore. I’ve been looking at other job postings to remind myself of what’s out there. I have a secure job now, and i’d rather make it to at least one year before moving on. We’ll see…
Still at work, what the fucking shit.
Why do i have to stay late because the client couldn’t get us the copy changes on time for a meeting in the morning?
Fuck that noise, why am i even doing this?